Fending off anxiety

So for those who don’t know, I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 10 years. Said depression and anxiety sent me to the hospital just a few days before my 21st birthday. Since then, I’ve been searching for a job where I would deal with as little people as humanly possible without being a complete hermit. Failing that, I went into retail, again, which is very hard for someone like myself whose anxiety triggers come from crowds. I work in a deli department in a supermarket. It sounds like it’d be easy, but in actuality, I wonder how I’m still not in a straitjacket.

Typical duties include cleaning (no wonder I never want to clean around the apartment when I get home), cutting meat, cooking meat (mostly chicken), and, as always, dealing with picky customers. Some days are better than others, but most times I’m at the point where I just want to run out of the store. Sundays are the worst for me. The day almost always ends with me in panic mode. Not only due to the crowd, but because, as a designated closer, all the fucking cleanup that everyone else leaves for us.

At the end of the night, I want to unwind. I need to unwind. So here are some things that I’ve done to keep myself sane after the hell that’s retail.

  • Play games. Being a gamer, this is a big one for me. I play MMO’s, which doesn’t trigger the anxiety much because while I’m playing with other people, i’m not with them, and if they piss me off enough, I can just log out. If it’s just too much for me, I’ll play Sims 2 or 3 (no, I don’t have Sims 4 yet, and I’m still not convinced).
  • Write. I don’t do this as much these days because writer’s block is strong during the tail end of the year. But I would get the feeling to write something, whether here or elsewhere, and it would be something small, but I’d do it.
  • Sleep. I’m nearly 30 and I take naps. Deal with it. I would be insane not to take one while Rydia does. Sometimes I’ll drag her along anyways.
  • Sex. This kinda requires my libido to not be on the fritz, but when I’m not in pain, this helps a bit.

That’s all I can think of right now, but how about you? What do you do to unwind after work?

I’m alive.

Barely. I’m getting my energy and soul sapped every which way. I get home from work and there are two things on my mind: sleep and how much I wish I had a bottle of booze. Yes, it’s that serious. So excuse me for being short, I just wanted to let you guys know thatContinue Reading

Implants and me.

No, I am not planning on getting boob implants or anything like that. I mean birth control implants. I recently started on a new dose after having it in for 3 years. I had in Implanon, which is now Nexplanon. When I got it put in 3 years ago, I felt nothing. Literally–my libido diedContinue Reading

Happy November…I guess.

I feel horrible for not posting anything for a month, but this is what I’ve had to deal with. Work. So for those who don’t know, I’m a deli clerk, and that means I handle more meat than a hooker on a slow night. My store did not have Boar’s Head products in it…until thisContinue Reading

Geeky Confessions

I was reading up on Dez’s site, who found her latest entry inspiration from another blog, and it sparked inspiration for me. I’m a geek…sorta. More or less a video game geek, but one nonetheless. Here are a few of my own geeky confessions. I absolutely hate FPS’s. Even watching someone play them is boringContinue Reading