Higher beings help me.

It is currently now 9:30am, and Rydia is up and running (and causing trouble as usual) and I’m sitting here wishing so hard to find a comfortable position so that I can actually sit and not feel ungodly amounts of pain.

I’ve touched on this before, but ever since having Rydia over 2 years ago, I’ve had pretty nasty back pain. I pretty much just brushed it off with saying that I pretty much lug around a very heavy kid 1. The problem is that I no longer have to lift her as much2 and the pain is getting progressively worse. And at times, especially getting out of bed in the morning, it would sorta lock up and I can hardly move–if at all–for 10-15 seconds.

To say that I’m worried, is a bit of an understatement.

panic

This comes at a time where it would be too costly to get to a doctor, but it’s gotten to the point where my mom is even worried. You see, back pain like this is hereditary. My mom was forced to stop working 13 years ago because her back pain got so bad. She’s had multiple surgeries for her back since then. My grandmother, now in her 80’s, forced her way to work and now she has a permanent bend. If this problem persists with me, a few things may happen:

  • Finding a job that doesn’t require heavy lifting will go from “hard as hell” to “nigh impossible”. I never cared to go back into retail, but I will if I must. If there is no solution to this problem then retail is out for good.
  • I won’t be able to lift Rydia (or her other siblings3). It’s already a strain as it is.
  • My self-worth is already in the shitter most days, can’t imagine it getting better if I can’t work or tend house like I need to/want to.
  • It gets worse and heaven forbid cripples me.

Worst part about this is that it doesn’t matter if I’m laying down or sitting, it’s fucking PAINFUL. Let’s couple that with the fact that my left leg still isn’t 100% after slipping and falling over a month ago. I’m a painful, miserable mess.

Anyways, time to try and clean up some before playing some games. Laters.

  1. she’s at or a little above 35 pounds
  2. well, more like I’m scared to shit to do so
  3. At this rate, more than likely not having any more, which is okay

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