Category Archives: In Between

2015 Goals

Alternatively named: goals I probably won’t get around to in 2015.

  1. Write more. This is something that has been absent in my life for a while. But I need to channel my frustrations and depression through creativity. This is the way I do it best.
  2. Stress less. This one is hard, but it has to be done. 2 years ago, I pointed out that my hair fell out due to stress. My hair has since not grown back, and it’s partly because I’ve replaced the lack of job stress with the actual job stress. I want to say “not my circus; not my monkeys”, but it kinda is in some regard. But at this point, my stress less is more or less not giving two shits anymore about people who are too moronic to do their job efficiently. Bad enough that I have to fight anxiety. No need to fight otherwise.
  3. Get this damn thing up. It’s been in the making for a while, but I need to get the fuck out of retail, and do something that I have a passion for.

Yep. Only three things. That’s about as much patience I have.

2014 in Review: Namari’s Tradition since 2011

I’ve done this meme every December since 2011. I sometimes looks back into those past ones to see if anything has changed. Some haven’t. But this year has shown some big changes to me and my family, so why not?!

1.What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?
I used a deli-style slicer. And I still have all 10 of my fingers.

2.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never had one to begin with, however I have a few goals for the new year which I’ll outline on Thursday (holy shit I got New Year’s Day off!)

3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
Close? No. But there have been a lot of babies born among my high school friends.

4.Did anyone close to you die?
*sigh* This one is tough. I lost my brother-in-law in February. He was sickly for a long time, and it broke everyone’s heart–even Rydia’s, despite her being too young to have a grasp of death. She loved her uncle.

5.What countries did you visit?
I can’t afford to travel yet.

6.What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
A new body. Not being able to move around because I’m constantly in pain (it’s worse after I come from work) is the most depressing thing ever.

7.What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Christmas Day. I was especially reminded of how awesome my in-laws are. It was a stressful year for everyone and they made it special.

8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting thrown a whole plate of food. Twice.

9.What was your biggest failure?
I can’t say I had a big failure. It was full of frustration for the first half of the year.

10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
I’m permanently stricken with pain from the waist down, and in some rare cases, my wrists.

11.What was the best thing you bought?
A Sodastream. Shut up, it’s awesome.

12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
My in-laws and to some degree my boss.

13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one.

14.Where did most of your money go?
Pull-ups, bills, and Taco Bell. Been on a kick lately!

15.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
Can’t say I got really excited about anything.

16.What song will always remind you of 2013?
Shut up, it grew on me.

17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i.happier or sadder? happier.
ii.thinner or fatter? my boobs have gotten a little bigger…
iii.richer or poorer? slightly richer. Having a job does that.

18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Blogging? Yeah, it was pretty skimp this year. Even Ronnie noticed.

19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stress about shit out of my power.

20.How did you spend Christmas?
With my family stuffing my face while playing some Atlantica Online.

21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
My mom.

22.Did you fall in love in 2013?
Mmm…can’t say I have.

23. How many one-night stands?
One. I bought one for my birthday along with a dresser (something we really needed). It’s being used to hold Ronnie’s second monitor.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Been on a cooking show kick. Hell’s Kitchen, Cutthroat Kitchen, and Mystery Diners were among those I watched and looked forward to the most. Work schedule permitting.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope, I’ve forgiven people who I hated last year though.

26. What was the best book you read?
Fruit-fly attention span here.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
As much as I don’t care for music played on the radio these days, I decided to open up a smidge to it. Some of it isn’t entirely horrible. I still prefer internet radio though.

28. What did you want and get?
A Sodastream, Keurig coffee maker, and a new laptop!

29. What did you want and not get?
Painless sleep.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
The last time I’ve been to a theater was when Rydia was barely a year old. So yeah.

31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
29 and we went to Golden Corral. NEVER EVER EVER EVER go there on a weekend, especially on a Sunday.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less stress. My stressors shifted from not having a job to being in pain constantly.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Comfortable. Complete with pajama bottoms.

34. What kept you sane?
Games and caffeine.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
So over Kim K.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing much.

37. Whom did you miss?
My mom.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My boss is awesome.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013:
Everything happens for a reason.

40. Do you have any lost feelings of others.

41.Quote a song that sums up your year:
I don’t know if there is a single song or quote from a song that sums it up. However, compared to last year, this was an awesome year. 2015, make it happen.

Fending off anxiety

So for those who don’t know, I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 10 years. Said depression and anxiety sent me to the hospital just a few days before my 21st birthday. Since then, I’ve been searching for a job where I would deal with as little people as humanly possible without being a complete hermit. Failing that, I went into retail, again, which is very hard for someone like myself whose anxiety triggers come from crowds. I work in a deli department in a supermarket. It sounds like it’d be easy, but in actuality, I wonder how I’m still not in a straitjacket.

Typical duties include cleaning (no wonder I never want to clean around the apartment when I get home), cutting meat, cooking meat (mostly chicken), and, as always, dealing with picky customers. Some days are better than others, but most times I’m at the point where I just want to run out of the store. Sundays are the worst for me. The day almost always ends with me in panic mode. Not only due to the crowd, but because, as a designated closer, all the fucking cleanup that everyone else leaves for us.

At the end of the night, I want to unwind. I need to unwind. So here are some things that I’ve done to keep myself sane after the hell that’s retail.

  • Play games. Being a gamer, this is a big one for me. I play MMO’s, which doesn’t trigger the anxiety much because while I’m playing with other people, i’m not with them, and if they piss me off enough, I can just log out. If it’s just too much for me, I’ll play Sims 2 or 3 (no, I don’t have Sims 4 yet, and I’m still not convinced).
  • Write. I don’t do this as much these days because writer’s block is strong during the tail end of the year. But I would get the feeling to write something, whether here or elsewhere, and it would be something small, but I’d do it.
  • Sleep. I’m nearly 30 and I take naps. Deal with it. I would be insane not to take one while Rydia does. Sometimes I’ll drag her along anyways.
  • Sex. This kinda requires my libido to not be on the fritz, but when I’m not in pain, this helps a bit.

That’s all I can think of right now, but how about you? What do you do to unwind after work?

Implants and me: a perspective on birth control


No, I am not planning on getting boob implants or anything like that. I mean birth control implants.

I recently started on a new dose after having it in for 3 years. I had in Implanon, which is now Nexplanon. When I got it put in 3 years ago, I felt nothing. Literally–my libido died and my periods died. Too bad for the libido, since that meant no sex for months on end. But the idea of having no periods made me happy–especially since my normal cycle was unbearably heavy, and it took 9 months of pregnancy for my red blood cell count to catch up to negate what was 15 years of non-stop1 bleeding, and I was still on the low side.

So fast forward to a few months ago. Periods started back. Not as heavy, but its presence was known in many stained underwear. This had me worried since I went almost 3 years without a hint of bleeding. The preggo test was negative, so we just chalked it up to the hormone in the implant just easing up a little early. So I went to get it replaced early because my libido made a HUGE comeback and let’s not gamble.

I got it replaced on Wednesday, and I’ve been feeling like shit ever since then. I have a migraine, my arm still hurts like fucking hell, and my fucking stars, I can’t stop eating! Gonna just chalk this up to the hormones, but it seems like my periods have gone away again. So hells yea to that.

Would I recommend Nexplanon to anyone? I would. It lasts 3 years, and you don’t really have to worry about much while on it. Don’t need to remember when to take it (well, you do, but it’s not for another 3 years), and if you have heavy periods, it might help in that regard. On the flip side, there is a chance that the opposite can happen. My condolences if it does. But there is always chocolate!

  1. Not in the literal sense

Geeky Confessions

I was reading up on Dez’s site, who found her latest entry inspiration from another blog, and it sparked inspiration for me. I’m a geek…sorta. More or less a video game geek, but one nonetheless. Here are a few of my own geeky confessions.

  1. I absolutely hate FPS’s. Even watching someone play them is boring to me. I remember watching Ronnie play Battlefield and was like “will this ever end?” Funnily enough, Ronnie only played it when our brother-in-law bugged him to play with him. He, too, has little interest in FPS’s.
  2. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask is my favorite Zelda of all time. However, it is not the most popular among Zelda fans. Let’s not count the CD-I Zelda games. Those are considered taboo and in the eyes of anyone, I think even Nintendo, they don’t even exist. But if you ask someone who loves the Zelda games what their favorite one is, very rarely will you hear Majora’s Mask. Ronnie actually hates the game. Why do I love MM? It’s a dark game, I’ll admit that. But…feels. And lots of it. Just think; you may have 3 days to live (or in some cases, less). You have 3 days to do everything that you want or need for your loved ones before your world comes crashing down (or in this case, a really creepy-ass moon), This game was emotionally driven, at least for me. I highly recommend if you haven’t played it.
  3. I had never played a Final Fantasy game before meeting my dorky half. This is partly because I only knew of the Final Fantasy games after 7, and partly because I didn’t have a Playstation to play those games after 7. And mostly because I didn’t have an idea what an RPG was (and now I absolutely love em). When I did get to play it, I started with Final Fantasy IV, which was pretty tear-jerking at some points. I have since opened up to more Final Fantasy games, including some of the spin-offs, like Bravely Default (which I haven’t finished yet and I probably should). Oh, and once in a while, I reactivate my account to Final Fantasy XI.
  4. I think that video game music is awesome. It would explain why 85% of what’s on my iPod right now is from OCRemix. Final Fantasy music is my favorite though (irony since this was a new discovery for me in the past 5 years). I may or may not have the entire Final Fantasy XI soundtrack on my computer.

    How can I not when there’s songs like this on it?