Cupid is Creator of All Things Evil and Pink

Hallmark cards, balloons, all decked out in pink. They say “I love you”, “Be mine”, “Be my Valentine”, “Happy Valentine’s Day”…all decked out in little pink hearts. Carnations and roses…how ROMANTICAL! Okay…that’s no problem–but where the hell are the other Hallmark cards? Where the hell are the other balloons? Where are the cards and balloons that say “I hate you. You can go to hell!”, “Be my screw buddy!”, “SCREW VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!” Why is there only red and PINK roses sold? Why is everyone all lovey dovey all of the sudden? I know what the thing is. It’s that Godforsaken Cupid dude. He’s the damn problem! He shoots people in their asses and they fall in love. How nice. Now where the hell is he on the other 364 days?! Then a few weeks before “The Big Day”, he takes a crap on the red roses and makes them pink. Not to mention that he writes “I love you” on every single card and balloon–I HATE CUPID!!

I’ve come to the conclusion that Cupid is creator of all things evil and pink. Couples are evil. Couples piss me off. Why isn’t there an Anti-Valentine’s Day section in the stores? It totally stands out from all the mushy crap that’s all over the place! Love is like a vacuum; it…just…SUCKS! People don’t feel love–it’s lust. When people say “I love you”, it really means, “I want sex. Gimme!” It’s so biased. That’s why every year to show my hatred towards love, I wear black–and that’s the nicest thing I can do considering that if I had my way, my flipping-off skills would be enhanced. Therefore until “I love you” actually means “I love you” instead of “I want sex. Gimme!”, I’m going to write a petition for an Anti-Valentine’s Day section in Hallmark stores, and I’m going to always think that Cupid is creator of all things evil and pink.